


Hollow

by WalkingonFirex



Category: Smosh
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Ianthony - Freeform, M/M, Marhinki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-15
Updated: 2014-09-15
Packaged: 2018-02-17 12:32:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 15,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2309786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WalkingonFirex/pseuds/WalkingonFirex
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anthony Padilla is getting married and he couldn't be happier. That is, until he discovers the downward spiral that his best friend, Ian Hecox is going down. Ianthony.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Tied

_Flowers._

_Bells._

_Smiles._

_Veils._

_And I feel nauseous. I can literally feel bile rising in my throat at this moment. The feeling of utter disgust just keeps ascending. This should be a good day. I should be happy for him. I should..._

Ian Hecox shook his head in repulsion. Not only in what was happening at this moment, but also at himself. Him and his stupid emotions. Emotions, feelings, sentiments. It seemed like that was all anyone ever thought about. 

_What’s wrong with apathy? It’s so much easier..._

He watched as his best friend of over fifteen years, and business partner, Anthony Padilla, take a long look at himself in the dressing room’s full-length mirror. He was clad in a white, collared shirt and black slacks. He wore black dress shoes on his feet. Though he’d rented a tux for the occasion, he had yet to put on his coat and tie. It was too hot in the dressing room, he’d claimed earlier, and ties were just too confusing. Luckily for Miss Kalel Cullen, Anthony’s fiancée, Ian had convinced his best friend to comb his once emo-styled hair. He’d gotten a haircut earlier in the year that had sparked a frenzy within the Smosh fandom. Fangirls’ hearts everywhere were broken due to the end of the ‘emo flap,’ but Kalel had insisted Anthony get a more ‘adult’ haircut for their wedding. Regardless, Anthony looked very handsome and he knew it. Ian could tell this from the swagger in his walk and the bright smile on his face. 

As angry as Ian was, he couldn’t help but beam. To see Anthony this happy and excited pleased him, no matter the circumstance. 

Even the circumstance in which he’d be taken away from him forever.

Which _was_ the case here. Anthony had already moved from the house they’d shared for years in Sacramento and had opted instead for a nice house in Los Angeles with Kalel. That had been difficult enough. But to make things absolutely worse, Anthony had decided to _marry_ this girl. Sure, she was cute. Sure, she was a Youtuber, same as Ian and Anthony. Sure, she was seemingly perfect. But that didn’t mean a thing to Ian. To him, she was the girl that had ruined everything. She had ruined Smosh, their very successful Youtube channel that they’d had for almost ten years, his friendship with Anthony, and...any chance Ian ever had with a relationship with Anthony. 

The stupid little crush hadn’t always been there. In fact, for the majority of fifteen years that they’d been friends, he’d never really even thought about it. Anthony was just his best friend and he was as straight as an arrow. 

Until he wasn’t.

One day, Ian woke up and everything had changed. He and Anthony _looked_ the same, they acted the same, and even the home they shared in Sacramento was the same. He’d tried to shake the feeling, but as soon as he saw Anthony standing in the kitchen, cooking breakfast and singing a Panic! at the Disco song at the top of his lungs, Ian _knew_. 

He knew that he was in love with his best friend. 

That was about as far as it had gone, though. Only a year later, Anthony had met Kalel at a party and had instantly fallen head over heels for her. Shortly after that, Anthony had moved out to live with Kalel. Shortly after that, he and Kalel had gone to Tokyo and Anthony had proposed. Not long after that, the two of them moved to Los Angeles, five and a half hours from Sacramento. 

Five and a half hours from Ian.

But in all honesty, this shouldn’t have bothered Ian. During this time, he’d had a girlfriend named Melanie Moat. She and Ian were together many, many years and Ian truly did love her, just not in the way that he’d thought. She was the dearest friend that he’d ever had and he was thankful for her. Even today, a year after they’d broken up, Melanie was the only person Ian told _everything_ to and she was also the only person that knew Ian’s true feelings for Anthony. If Ian didn’t have Melanie, he was certain that he would have been admitted into an insane asylum. 

“Stupid tie,” Ian heard Anthony mutter.

The blue-eyed man looked up and saw his friend looking in the mirror, an annoyed expression painting his face.

He chuckled. “What’s the matter?”

Anthony gave him a knowing glance. “You know what’s wrong, Ian.” 

Sighing, Ian jumped to his feet and padded across the room to where Anthony stood, fiddling with the tie. He shook his head. “You’ve got it tied crookedly again, dude.” 

“Yeah,” Anthony replied, “I can never get them right.” 

Ian chuckled, grasping the tie and undoing it. “I won’t be around forever to tie your ties for you.” 

Anthony laughed. “That’s true, but I’m pretty sure Kalel can tie them.” 

At her name, Ian’s face fell. He swallowed and pulled the tie through the loop. “Y-yeah, there you go.” 

Anthony nodded in the mirror. “Thanks, man!” He grabbed his coat off of the chair behind him and shrugged into it. “So...how do I look?” 

Ian smiled. He looked perfect to him, of course, but he couldn’t tell him that. Chuckling, he lied, “like a douche bag.” 

Anthony rolled his eyes. “Seriously, jackass.” 

Ian sighed. “You look nice...handsome, even.” 

He watched the corners of Anthony’s mouth turn up into a small smile. “Thanks, man.” 

Ian nodded, sadly. “Kalel will be thankful.”

Anthony blushed. “I hope so. I’ll bet _she_ looks gorgeous. She’s been so secretive about everything that I literally have no clue how she’s gonna look. Hair, nails, dress, nothing.” 

“Mari said her dress was beautiful,” Ian reminded him. 

Mari Takahashi, along with Matt Sohinki, David “Lasercorn” Moss, and Joshua”Joven”  Ovenshire, helped Ian and Anthony run the ‘Smosh Games’ channel and she was also close friends with both Melanie _and_ Kalel. Once best friends, Melanie and Kalel had gotten into a huge disagreement the year before and barely spoke now. Ian was certain that this was part of the reason Anthony and Kalel had moved away from Sacramento. 

Kalel was selfish to say the least. 

“Yeah,” Anthony said, “but what does that mean? I mean, what if she got a turquoise dress? Call me traditional, but I hope it’s white.” 

Kalel Cullen was famous for having a new hair color each week. Blond, brunette, turquoise, blue, green, and rainbow were all among the different colors she’d dyed her hair over the years Ian and Anthony had known her. Luckily, for them, she’d opted for a sensible light brown for the wedding.

Ian chuckled. “It is. Mari told me so, but don’t tell Kalel you knew. She’d wring my neck.” 

“Mari or Kalel?”

“Mari,” he replied. 

Needless to say, he wasn’t the least bit afraid of Kalel and if she wanted to trade words -- or blows -- Ian would like to think that he wouldn’t back down in the least bit. But in reality, he’d clamp his mouth shut and nod. He loved Anthony too much to do otherwise.

Anthony laughed. “She _is_ the ancestor of ninjas, after all.”

A hint of a smile danced on Ian’s face, but it quickly faded. 

Anthony frowned, seeing the smile fade in the mirror’s reflection. The thought that something might be wrong with Ian flashed through his mind. He bit his lip, watching Ian look down at the floor. He wanted badly to know what was troubling his best friend, but as he opened his mouth to ask, Ian began to speak. 

“It’s seven o’clock, man. You ready?” He was smiling at him, the sad tinge gone from his face. 

Anthony grinned, the deep dimples in his cheeks showing. “Yeah. Let’s do this.” 

 


	2. Drowned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian gets drunk. Pewds and Marzia are there to comfort him. Sort of.

Ian clutched his glass of vodka tightly, arms slung haphazardly over the bar. His eyes were glassy, his hearing was choppy, and his speech was slurred. 

Ian Hecox was drunk.

Of course, Ian had been drunk before, but this time was different. He’d been happy drunk, angry drunk, _and_ sad drunk, but this was devastated, lost, and empty drunk. He literally didn’t know what he was going to do now. Before, when Anthony and Kalel had only been dating, Ian could handle it. When they’d only been engaged, he could _tolerate_ it. But they were _married_ now. Ian didn’t know what he was going to do with himself. He was just so damn sad and so he just kept drinking. Maybe if he drank enough, he could forget everything, wake up. and allow everything to be the way that it had been only hours before. 

 _I gave the best man speech_ , Ian chuckled, _I said I was so excited for them._ _I wished them a happy life together_. _I deserve an award for being the best goddamn liar in the world._

He took another long swig and sat his glass back in front of the bartender. 

The bartender gave him a questioning look. “Don’t you think that you’ve had enough?” 

Ian laughed a little too long and a little loudly. It was the least he could do to keep him from sobbing. “Never!” 

Frowning, the bartender poured him another drink. Ian grabbed it and began to gulp it down. 

As his surroundings began to get hazy, so did Ian’s thoughts. His mind drifted to a couple hours before when he’d delivered his best man speech with a heavy heart. Of course, this was before he’d gotten drunk. As much as it hurt him, he wanted to be completely sober when he gave the speech to prevent anything too revealing to escape from his lips. He’d climbed the steps, dragging his feet and toying with his hair, the light brown locks that Anthony enjoyed making fun of by calling it a ‘bowl haircut.’ He’d swallowed all of the sadness that he could and eyed Anthony, beginning to speak. 

_“My name’s Ian and I’ve been Anthony’s best friend since...well, a long time. Believe it or not, we were actually best friends before Smosh,” he paused at some laughter that echoed throughout the room._

_“And let me tell you, that hasn’t always been the easiest job in the world,” everyone laughed, including Anthony. Ian watched Anthony’s dark brown eyes sparkle and it caused the already hard lump in his chest to tighten even more._

_“He’s always been there for me, though,” Ian said softly, “like...He’s the best friend a guy could ask for. He’s like a brother to me. I love him so much...,” he trailed off, swallowing hard and biting his lip to hold back the flood of tears that were threatening to cascade down his cheeks._

_“So, Kalel,” he turned his attention toward her, “take care of him. Don’t let him cook his own food or do his own laundry. Don’t let him sleep with the TV on, it wakes him up. And for God’s sake, Anthony, don’t screw this up. You’re happy.” He smiled over at Anthony before finishing._

_“Congratulations, guys.”_

_With that, he choked back a sob and stepped off of the podium, ignoring the clapping and whooping and hollering. Coincidentally, Anthony just happened to be waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs. He had a wide grin on his face, so Ian forced a smile, too. Anthony had thrown his arms around Ian, squeezing him into a tight hug. “I love you, man,” he’d whispered into Ian’s ear._

_And this hurt Ian more than Anthony could have ever imagined. Ian had chuckled and Anthony hadn’t questioned it, believing that he was only reacting in the ‘bro’ manner. In reality, Ian was laughing at how very pathetic he was. He could’ve been the poster child for pitying, unrequited love. The only difference here was that due to the fact that he and Anthony were both guys, it would more than likely elicit a few complaints and outbursts of revulsion._

_Anthony had given him a questioningly look as he walked away, eyes glued to the floor._

_But Ian kept walking, loud, trembling guffaws escaping from his lips._

He took another long drink, feeling dribbles of vodka run down his beard that he’d really meant to shave before the wedding. Kalel had told him that it was really important. 

_Oops._

Ian began to laugh again, laying his head on the bar. As he did this, his laughs slowly began to falter. 

_“She’s throwing the bouquet!”_

_“He’s getting the garter!”_

_“Did you see how hard she hit him in the face with the cake?”_

_“They’re about to leave. Do you have your bubbles ready?”_

His chuckles slowed to quiet, surreptitious sobs. His fingers clenched into a fist and he began to pound on the bar, biting his lip. He wanted to yell and scream and throw everything he could get his hands on. He wanted to-

“Ian...Are you okay?”

Ian looked up, wiping at his eyes to see Marzia Bisognin looking down at him, concerned. The Italian Youtuber was a friend of Kalel’s, which meant that he really should hate her, but Marzia was drop dead gorgeous and impossibly sweet and kind. It was truly impossible for anyone to hate her. Besides that, she was dating the most-subscribed Youtuber of all time, Felix Kjellberg (also known as Pewdiepie), and Ian really liked him, too, even _if_ Anthony and Kalel had gone on vacation with them to Japan before. 

For as long as he could remember, Ian had always wanted to go to Japan.

Anthony had been _twice_.

He never asked Ian if he wanted to go. 

Ian hesitated, scrubbing violently at his face. She couldn’t know that he was crying. “Y-yeah,” he replied, “I’m fine. J-just a little dr-drunk,” he pointed out, laughing a little too much. 

Marzia flipped her brown ombre hair off of her shoulder, giving him a sad smile and patting his arm. “It’ll be okay, Ian.” 

As if she knew. 

Ian slid his glass across the bar, requesting another drink. To his surprise, the bartender had disappeared. He rolled his eyes in annoyance. 

“What the hell is the point in having a bartender if they ain’t gonna b-be here?” Ian slurred, standing up to go behind the bar. If the bartender was gone, he would simply get more alcohol himself. No matter that he definitely couldn’t read what the labels on the bottles said. 

“Ian!” 

Ian turned around to see a familiar, blond Swede standing with Marzia. 

“P-Pewds?” Ian asked, “th-that you?” 

Felix sighed, walking over to the heavily intoxicated man. “Yeah, it’s me. What are you doing behind here?” 

“G-goddamn bartender left and I’m n-not done drinking,” Ian slurred. 

Felix and Marzia shared a glance before Felix said, “the wedding’s over and so’s the reception...Ian, how come you didn’t come with us to the honeymoon sendoff? Anthony was looking for you.” 

Ian chuckled. “No, he wasn’t. He can’t wait to get to Hawaii and f-fu...,” he trailed off, “screw Kalel’s brains outs. He couldn’t give l-less of a shit about me right now.” He hung his head, staring at his black dress shoes, realization hitting him hard. 

Felix shook his head. “That’s not true, dude. He wanted you there more than anyone. You’re his best friend, after all.” 

Ian glared at Felix. “H-he didn’t take me to Japan, now d-did he?” 

Felix sighed and looked at Marzia. “I’ll go find Melanie. Make sure he doesn’t get into the liquor.” 

 


	3. Loathed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit Melanie-centric.

Melanie Moat was, needless to say, annoyed. 

The blond’s eyes stayed glued to the road, which was difficult, as Ian kept sliding around in his seat, crying and yelling about how horrible his life was. 

She pitied him. She really did. 

But she also wanted to throw him out of her car. 

First of all, she believed Anthony Padilla was not worth _any_ of this. He was an okay guy. A little weird, kinda douchey, but still okay. But he certainly didn’t belong on the high pedestal that Ian had put him on. He was annoying, a little rude, _and_ had ruined the first real relationship she’d ever had. 

Or had Ian? 

Either way, she was still bitter about it. 

But more importantly, why the hell did she care about Ian so damn much? He’d dumped her _and_ professed his undying love for his _male_ best friend all on the same night, _expecting her to feel fucking sorry for him._ No matter that she had just lost her boyfriend of seven years to a _guy_. Nope. She had to grieve for his sad, unrequited love for Anthony. 

She was royally pissed at first, to say the least. That is, until she saw Ian’s face. She had realized then that Ian had never truly been hers. He’d given his heart to Anthony long before she’d even met him and he wanted desperately, so _desperately_ to have someone to confide in. Someone that wouldn’t judge him, no matter what. And because she loved Ian so much, she knew she had to be the one to do it. Besides, she was much stronger than Ian. She’d move on; he wouldn’t. 

And she was right. Shortly after she and Ian had broken up, she met Mark Fischbach, a Youtube gamer, at Vidcon and they had instantly hit it off. She was happy now, much happier than she ever was with Ian, but that didn’t mean she didn’t care about him, because she really did. She wanted him to be happy and as much as she didn’t want him to be with Anthony, due to his obvious disinterest in men, she wanted Ian to have whatever it was that made him happy, which, unfortunately, _was_ Anthony. 

She turned down the street leading to the Smosh house, one she’d traveled down so many times before. Ian was still crying, but wasn’t as loud as he had been earlier. She suspected that he had wore himself out. She hoped that once at home, he’d sleep because sitting around and stewing about what had happened that day just wasn’t a good idea at all. Ian was one to let things really get to him and he didn’t let things go easily, either. 

She pulled into the driveway and parked the car. She turned to her right and ogled the blue-eyed man, sighing. “Ian.”

He didn’t look up at her, but she saw his eyes. The normal crystal blue was darkened, haunted, ashen with unshed tears. She could also tell that he was sobering up.

“Come on, Ian,” she coaxed, “we’re at your house.” 

Ian glanced out the window, still not replying. 

Melanie rolled her eyes. She felt sorry for Ian, but she couldn’t sit around and wait for him to work up the energy to get out of the car. Unlike Ian, as it would seem, Melanie _did_ have a life that didn’t revolve around another person. “Get out of my car,” she spat. 

That got his attention. “W-what?” 

“You heard me,” she repeated, “if you’re going to just sit there feeling sorry for yourself, get out. I won’t have it.” 

Ian sighed, grasping the handle, but then he let it go. “What do you mean? 

Melanie softened, shaking her head. “Look Ian, I know you love Anthony. I get that...But he’s married! He doesn’t love you, he never has, and he never will. There’s no use in staying depressed over someone that will never feel the same way.” 

Ian bit his lip. “I-I know. It’s just that...,” he trailed off, sobbing. He placed his face in his hands and began to cry again. 

Melanie put a hand on Ian’s shoulder. “You love him. I know. But Ian, you can’t keep hanging onto someone that just won’t feel the same. It’ll drive you crazy.”

Sniffing, Ian looked up at her. He could see a twinge of sadness in her eyes and he realized that, technically, he’d done the same thing to her only a year before. “Mel, I-” 

She shook her head. “Don’t. It’s in the past. Bringing that up won’t help and apologizing won’t change anything. I’m over you, but it was the hardest thing I ever had to do. Don’t make me do it again,” she pleaded. 

He nodded. “You’re too good for me, anyway.” 

Melanie smiled. “True,” she laughed. 

The corners of Ian’s mouth turned up, a hint of a smile playing on his face. 

“But seriously,” Melanie continued, her tone shifting to serious, “you’re Anthony’s best friend in the entire world. Believe it or not, he really needs you, even if it’s not in the way that you want him to.” 

Ian’s lip trembled and he shut his eyes. 

Melanie kept talking. “You’ll find someone. Someone that will love you the way you deserve to be loved. Someone that will love you for _you_.” 

Ian sighed, reaching for the door handle. “Thanks, Mel.” 

She smiled wanly. “You’re welcome. If you need me, just call, okay?”

He nodded, opening the door and exiting the car. His feet hit the pavement and  he placed his hands on the door to shut it, but before he did, he said one last thing to Melanie. “I’d rather be alone than be with anyone other than Anthony.” 

With that, he slammed the door, walked into the house, and trudged to his bedroom where he proceeded to sob himself to sleep. 

 


	4. Disgusted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How are Kalel and Anthony doing on their honeymoon?

“Day five in Hawaii!” Kalel _Padilla_ squealed into the camera of her iPhone. “As of now, we’re in our hotel room and I’m waiting for my slow-ass _husband_ to finish getting ready so that we can go shopping!” She placed emphasis on the word ‘husband’ to ensure that the people that would watch this vlog knew exactly what had transpired over the past few days.

In the bathroom, Anthony rolled his eyes at his new wife. He had asked her many times on the plane ride to Hawaii not to film their honeymoon. It was simply too personal of a trip to share with everyone that watched their ‘Watch Us Live and Stuff (WULAS)’ vlog channel. Obviously, he loved their fans and was thankful for each and every one of them, but he would also enjoy to have a somewhat private honeymoon. 

Of course, any chance of that happening was blown by the existence of Smosh. He’d been recognized several times on this trip and Kalel had been visibly bothered by this. For that reason, he couldn’t understand why his wife insisted on sharing every waking moment of their honeymoon with the entire world. Weren’t some things meant to be kept private? 

Sighing, Anthony stepped into the shower. As it had many days before, his mind drifted back to Ian. He just couldn’t shake the image of how sad Ian had been at the wedding. The word was that he’d even drunk himself silly at the reception, which was totally out of character. He and Ian had gotten drunk plenty of times over the years, but it was all in fun. It wasn’t like Ian to drink when he was upset. And that brought up another question: what was Ian upset about? 

Ian seemed to be genuinely happy about he and Kalel’s marriage. He even seemed to like Kalel, despite Anthony’s fear that he wouldn’t. Supposedly, Ian was ecstatic to be Anthony’s best man, though they’d discussed it a thousand times over the years. If that was the case, why had he looked close to tears in the dressing room? And why had he drunk himself into oblivion at the reception? 

These questions had been weighing on Anthony’s mind for the entirety of his honeymoon. Of course, he hadn’t shared this with Kalel, as it would only annoy her. Still, Ian was his best friend in the world and he was worried about him, which explained why he’d called him so many times since he’d left for Hawaii. As far as he knew, Kalel had no idea about it, thankfully. That would just be another argument that he didn’t want to deal with it. Unfortunately, Ian had failed to answer any of his calls or texts and he had even gone as far as to send him direct messages on Twitter and Facebook, something he’d assumed he’d never need to do. He didn’t know where Ian could possibly be, but needless to say, Anthony was worried. 

“Anthony!” he heard Kalel call, “are you almost finished?!” 

Anthony sighed, feeling the hot streams of water slide down his back. “I jot got in the shower!” he shouted back.

In the main room, Kalel scoffed into her iPhone. “I guess we’ll have to wait a few more minutes and see what happens!” 

On the table beside their bed, Anthony’s phone vibrated, catching Kalel’s attention. She walked over and examined who was calling. 

And with a disgusted expression, she hung up on Anthony’s best friend. 

 


	5. Disappeared

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anthony looks for Ian.

Anthony pulled up to the Smosh house two days later. He’d only been back in California a day before he’d driven to Sacramento to work with Ian on a new Smosh video. Ian had still yet to answer any of his phone calls and texts, which upset Anthony greatly. He was terrified that something was wrong with him, but before he got too worked up, he decided to head over to the Smosh house and check up on him. 

To his utter relief, he instantly saw Ian’s car parked in the driveway. But what was strange was that it wasn’t in the garage. He didn’t know how much had changed since he’d moved out of the Smosh house, but when he and Ian had been roommates, they had always parked in the garage. 

Shrugging, the raven-haired man walked up the sidewalk to the house. He reached into his pocket for his keyring, but thought otherwise. Though he still had a key to the house _and_ his name was on the deed, he didn’t live there anymore. Despite everything, this just wasn’t his house anymore. 

He raised his hand and knocked on the door. He waited, curling his toes inside of his shoes. After a few seconds of no response, he knocked a second time. Again, there was no answer. 

His stomach began churning as he knocked for the third time. When Ian didn’t answer the door, he dug into his pocket, taking out his key. He put the key in the knob and turned it to the right, letting himself into the house. 

“Ian!” he called out, seeing the empty kitchen, dining room, and living room. 

There was no answer. 

Anthony swallowed hard, creeping down the familiar hallway. The door to their editing room was open, but there was no sign of life in it. It was the same with his old bedroom, the bathroom, _and_ Ian’s bedroom. 

Simply put, Ian wasn’t there. 

The twenty-six year old then began to panic. Ian hadn’t returned _any_ of his calls or texts, emails or Facebook messages, or hell, even Skype calls, for over five days and now he wasn’t at home, while his car sat obviously in the driveway. With shaking hands, he pulled out his phone and dialed the only person he knew to call’s number. 

“Hello?” 

“Melanie!” he exclaimed, “h-have you seen Ian?” 

Anthony heard her click her tongue in hesitation. He almost cried. “Melanie, _please_! He won’t answer any of my calls or texts and I’m at our house and his car’s here and he’s not and I’m freaking out!” 

She was quiet on the other end. “ _Our house_?” she repeated. 

Anthony realized what he’d said and quickly corrected himself. “I-I meant the Smosh house. But seriously, Mel, where is he?” 

She sighed. “He’s okay, I promise.” 

“But where is he?!” Anthony demanded. 

“I’m not at liberty to say,” she replied, sighing. 

Anthony could feel his blood boiling at her statement and he clenched his fist. “You’re not at liberty to say? What the hell is that supposed to mean?” 

“I _mean_ Ian made me promise not to say _anything_ to _anyone_ ,” she retorted.

Anthony’s eyes widened and he shook his head. “B-but I’m his best friend...aren’t I?” 

She sighed. “You are. But I can’t say where he is or what he’s doing. Just know that he’s all right.” 

“No!” Anthony spat, “that’s not good enough. Where is he, Melanie? Tell me now!” He paused, breathless. And it was that pause that shined a new perspective on everything for him. There was a tear running down his cheek, as in, he was _crying_. Crying! Over Ian. It didn’t make any sense at all. The crying, the pain in his chest, the utter and complete apprehension over the absence and behavior of his friend. It couldn’t mean...

No, it wasn’t possible. He was married to a woman, for God’s sake. A woman he loved a lot. 

Right? 

Melanie’s long and drawn out sigh snapped Anthony out of his thoughts about Ian and listened for her reply. “Fine. But you didn’t hear it from me, okay?” 

He nodded, anxiously. “Yes, Melanie. Anything.” 

She paused once more before replying, “he’s at St. Joseph’s Rehabilitation Center. He overdosed on OxyContin last night.” 

 


	6. Ignored

At the speed that he was driving to the rehab center, Anthony was surprised that he hadn’t been awarded a ticket for breaking a thousand traffic laws. He couldn’t be bothered with that fact, though. Ian was his number one priority. 

He ran to the rehab’s front desk, breathless. He had literally ran from his car, through the parking lot, and to the building in less than a minute. “I-Ian Hecox, please.” 

The small woman from behind the counter looked up from tapping on her computer. “Sign in.” She pointed at the clipboard in front of him. 

Anthony sighed, reaching down and grabbing the pen. He wrote so fast that he doubted any of it was legible. “Done!” he slapped the pen down.

“You a friend? A family member?” she asked, pressing her thick, black-framed glasses on the bridge of her nose.

He nodded. “A friend.” 

“You realize that visiting hours will be over in ten minutes, right?” she asked.

“I-I don’t care,” Anthony choked, “I need to see him right now.” 

She began to click around on her computer. “He’s in room 205, but realize, sir, that he overdosed. There will be attendants outside of his room.” 

He shrugged. “I don’t care.” 

With that, he ran off, heading to room 205. Breathless again, he pushed the door open. 

His first impression of the small room was that it was incredibly bland. White walls, white bedsheets, white curtains, white floors. The only sign of life was the man curled up in the bed, facing in the wall so that his back was to Anthony. He could see that his dark chocolate hair was disheveled and he had the urge to walk over and fix it. 

Frowning at the thought, he walked over to Ian’s bed. He tapped his shoulder and whispered, “Ian?” 

The other man didn’t move a muscle, much to Anthony’s dismay. He reached over, grasping Ian’s shoulder and shaking him gently. “Ian, it’s me! It’s Anthony!”   

Ian stiffened under Anthony’s grip and moved away from him. Anthony was shocked, needless to say. Ian had never done anything like this before.

“Can’t you talk?” he asked. 

Ian remained still, eyes shut and body stiff as a board. 

Anthony sighed. “You’re not gonna tell me why you’re in here?” 

He wasn’t given a reply. 

Anthony ran a hand through his hair, eyes darting across the room nervously. “Or even say hi to me, Ian? Really?”

Ian didn’t say a word. 

“Melanie...She told me that you overdosed. Ian, you tried to kill yourself! Why would you do that?” His voice broke and Anthony felt tears begin to prick to his eyes.

At this, Ian tensed up, biting his lip. Anthony couldn’t see it, but his comments were really getting to Ian. He wanted more than anything to turn around and spill his guts to his best friend or to wrap him into his arms and never let go. The worst part was that Ian knew that he couldn’t do either one. 

Anthony took a deep breath. “Why, Ian? Do you...,” he trailed off, swallowing, “do you know what I would do if you died? You’re one of the most important people in the world to me and...,”  Anthony stopped, unable to finish as he began to choke up. 

As a few tears fell from Anthony’s eyes, he heard a slight knock on the other side of the door. He knew that this signaled the fact that it was time for him to leave. He blinked away his tears and bit his lip, patting Ian on the shoulder. As he had before, Ian tensed up at Anthony’s touch. 

Anthony sighed, straightening up. “I’ll be back, Ian. I won’t stop coming back until I know you’re okay.” 

Ian’s eyes stayed shut and so did his mouth, though he wanted desperately to speak to his best friend. 

Anthony took one more look at Ian before turning around. With that, he walked out of the door, his heart breaking with every step. 

 


	7. Exasperated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kalel's mad at Anthony.

The same ritual continued for a few weeks, with Anthony visiting Ian every day that there was visiting hours and Ian being silent for the entire session. At first, Anthony stayed silent, too, unable to keep from crying at Ian’s state. However, after a few weeks, Anthony began to talk to Ian about what was going on outside of the rehab facility. Like what was happening at the Smosh Games HQ or how their Food Battle Game was coming along. He didn’t tell Ian that he’d temporarily cancelled all of the weekly content that he and Ian put out together on their main and secondary channel. He even cancelled their two shows on Smosh Games. He couldn’t bear to shoot anything without his best friend. The fans were confused, as Anthony wouldn’t drop any hints, but he assured them that Smosh would be up and running sooner than they knew. Sure, their subscriber count dropped, but as far as Anthony was concerned, Ian was _way_ more important. 

Because Ian’s rehab was in Sacramento and Anthony lived in LA, he’d been staying at the Smosh house alone for the past few weeks to make it easier to visit Ian, much to Kalel’s dismay. She didn’t think that it was necessary for Anthony to visit Ian every single day, nor did she want him to stay in Sacramento at all.

 _“Melanie’s there_ ,” she’d said, _“Ian’s going to be just fine.”_

But Anthony just couldn’t believe her. He and Ian had been best friends since high school and he’d never exhibited this behavior. Worst of all, Anthony was certain that _he_ had something to do with Ian’s behavior. Despite the fact that Ian still wouldn’t speak to him, he just had to get to the bottom of it. He knew that Ian would do the same for him, which made it all the more important.

The day that Ian finally spoke to Anthony was also the day that Anthony got into the worst argument with Kalel that they’d ever had. Since there weren’t visiting opportunities at the rehab on weekends, Anthony had opted to fly back to LA to be with Kalel. When Monday came around, he was up early and packed, ready for another full week with Ian. 

Anthony had been sliding on his shoes when Kalel had sauntered into the room with their cats, Kabuki and Pip, trailing behind her. 

“Where are you going?” she asked, tapping her foot against the hardwood. 

“I’m heading out to Sacramento,” he replied, “I wanna get there before visiting hours so that I can drop my stuff off at the Smosh house.” 

He could tell right away that he’d said something wrong. Her eyebrows furrowed and her eyes narrowed to the floor. “Why are you leaving again?” she asked, an edge to her voice. 

“Because,” Anthony answered, “Ian’s my best friend and-” 

“And I’m your wife,” Kalel interjected, “and you’ve been neglecting the hell out of me lately.” 

Anthony’s jaw dropped. He was totally gobsmacked at how incredibly selfish Kalel was being. “That’s...Look, I’m sorry, but-” 

“No, you’re not,” she spat, “if you were, you’d stay home. Ian’s fine, but _we_ won’t be if you keep running off to him.” 

He frowned, staring at her, a look of utter confusion passing over his face. “Kalel, why are you doing this?” 

She rolled her eyes up to the ceiling. “I’ve being second to Ian for our entire relationship, Anthony!  Whether it be because of Smosh or your house or an event or the Smosh Games crap, some shit with Melanie, or whatever it is! Ian calls and you run to him. You never do that for me!” 

He sighed, running a hand through his dark locks. “Kalel, Ian’s my best friend,” he repeated. 

“Is he?” she asked, a hand on her hip, “he wasn’t there to send us off to the honeymoon, he got drunk at the wedding, and he never called during the honeymoon. _And,”_ she went on, “he brought _Melanie_ to our wedding!” she said Melanie’s name as if it were bitter and tasted wrong on her tongue. 

Anthony shook his head. “Maybe he was in the bathroom during the sendoff and maybe he got drunk because speaking at the wedding made him nervous,” Anthony could relate to this due to his similar bouts with intense anxiety. “He has ADHD, you know? And Kalel, maybe he didn’t call because he didn’t want to disturb us!” 

Kalel chuckled, angrily. “Whatever, Anthony. Just whatever.” 

Despite her biting words, Anthony continued to defend his best friend. “And Melanie is important to Ian and I, regardless of how you feel about her. She’s been our friend for over seven years. I thought you’d understand that, I really did. Hell, she used to be your best friend in the world!” Then he glanced down, “but you ruined that, didn’t you?” 

Kalel turned away, knowing full well that this conversation had inched its way to her being in the wrong and she simply couldn’t handle that. “Whatever,” she repeated, green eyes drifting to the floor, “just go to Ian for fuck’s sake. You will, anyway.” 

Anthony shrugged. “Fine.” 

He slammed the door on his way out and never looked back.

 


	8. Confused

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian and Anthony have a heart to heart.

At the rehab, nothing had changed. 

Ian laid on his bed, bundled up tightly in his sheets and blanket, his back to Anthony. He remained silent and still, only the subtle movement of his chest rising and falling showed any sign of life. 

Anthony sighed, dragging a chair beside Ian’s bed. He sat down and put his face in his hands. “It’d be nice if you’d talk to me today, Ian.” 

Ian did not reply, but he could sense the edge to Anthony’s voice. He’d heard it before and it meant that he was very upset. 

“Kalel and I had our biggest fight since...well, since ever,” Anthony went on, ignoring Ian’s silence, “she’s really mad at me right now....but, I’m not too happy with her, either.” 

Ian’s ears perked up at this. For the four years they’d been together, Anthony and Kalel had never had what one would call a ‘big’ fight. A few times, they’d argued, but Anthony usually allowed Kalel to have her way whenever necessary, was was quite often. This was definitely new. 

“She’s mad because I keep coming to see you. I guess I can kind of see why,” Anthony said, playing absentmindedly with a loose thread on his skinny jeans, “but I wouldn’t have to if you’d just talk to me.” 

Guilt washed over Ian. As much as he hated Kalel, he didn’t want Anthony to suffer from his actions.

Or did he?

Ian rolled his eyes. _Not only am I an insane, emo, faggot, but I’m also a  freaking sadist. Great._

“I know you’re not happy with me,” Anthony said, sighing, “I don’t know what I did, but whatever it is, I’m sorry. Just...Ian, please don’t shut me out,” Anthony paused, his voice starting to break.

The pain in Ian’s heart deepened. 

Anthony’s tone began to raise tremendously. “Ian, please! Yell at me, scream at me, kick my ass, call me the worst friend ever! Just don’t ignore me for God’s sake!” 

With that, Anthony broke down, sobbing into his hands. His arms rested on his knees and his legs wobbled. There was a deep ache in his chest and his head was throbbing. He was utterly sick of everything. Kalel, Ian, Melanie, and trying to be strong when he very obviously could not be. He bit his lip, to choke back the deep cries emanating from his throat. 

Slowly, Ian turned around and took in a short breath, shocked to see Anthony in the state he was in. It brought tears to his eyes to see his best friend that way, but what hurt him even more was that he was the cause of it. Tentatively, Ian outreached his hand toward the other man. Very softly, his fingers brushed Anthony’s arm. Startled, Anthony jumped. 

“W-what?” he asked, dropping his arms to his sides and looking up to gaze at Ian. “Ian!” 

Before the blue-eyed man could react, Anthony had wrapped his arms around him in a huge hug.

Ian’s eyes shut immediately, relishing not only the feeling of the strong arms enveloping him so tightly, but also his smell and just _Anthony_. He’d missed him so much lately. Not only at his wedding and honeymoon, but ever since he’d moved out and to LA. It hadn’t been the same since then. 

Reluctantly, he pulled away and looked up to chocolate brown eyes boring into his blue ones. 

“Ready to talk?” Anthony asked, his eyes shining with unshed tears. 

Ian sighed, nodding. 

Anthony eyed Ian hard. “Don’t hold anything back, Ian. Whatever it is you have to say to me, say it. I promise I can handle it.” 

Ian swallowed the lump in his throat. “I-It’s not you...,” he trailed off. He realized at this moment that he could very easily reveal his feelings for Anthony right now. With his vulnerable state, Ian could pretty much get away with anything and he highly doubted that Anthony would physically harm him with him already being suicidal and in rehab. 

But when he opened his mouth, the truth just couldn’t pour out. 

“What is it then?” Anthony asked, “why would you try to kill yourself? And why wouldn’t you talk to me for so long?” 

Ian let out a long breath and propped his chin up in his hand. “I...It’s just that I’ve been feeling really down lately. Like, You got married, Lasercorn got married, Joven has Erin, Mari has Sohinki, Sohinki has Mari, Melanie has Mark...And then there’s me. I literally have no one. I just feel like I’m gonna be alone forever.” Ian felt better after saying this, mostly because 

Anthony shook his head, frowning deeply. “No, Ian! That is so not true. Look, you’re really nice and cool and funny and well, you’re not bad looking either-” 

Ian blushed fiercely at this. 

Anthony continued. “You’ll definitely find someone, man. You...You just haven’t found the right girl yet.” 

 _Funny that he said girl,_ Ian thought to himself. Though Ian was certain that he was gay (if only for Anthony), no one else knew, except for Melanie, of course. Ian had never outrightly told her, but one could only assume. 

“I...It’s just that ever since Melanie and I broke up, I’ve kind of given up. I mean, we were together seven years, Anthony. You don’t just move on from that.” 

Anthony nodded. “But Ian, that is _no_ reason to try and kill yourself! She still loves you and more importantly, the fans love you. And they need you, Ian. Smosh wouldn’t be Smosh without you. And what about everybody at Smosh games? What would happen to ‘Iancorn’ and you and Mari’s meme talk? And who will bother Sohinki about DOTA? Joven about how bad he is at games? And...,” Anthony trailed off. 

“And what?” Ian asked, leaning forward. 

Anthony’s eyes darted to the floor. “What about _me_ , Ian? You’re the only best friend I’ve ever had. Actually, for a long time, you were the _only_ friend I had. I love you, man. I know that sounds sappy and weird, but it’s true. And honestly, I need you here as much as everyone else. I’d never forgive myself if something happened to you.” As he finished, his eyes grew watery. 

Ian bit his lip, feeling tears prick to his eyes. “I...Anthony, I didn’t exactly try to kill myself,” he lied. 

Sniffing, Anthony asked, “you didn’t?” 

“No,” Ian replied, “I took the Oxycontin to just...Take the pain away,” he finished. 

Anthony swallowed. “There are other ways to cope, Ian.” 

“I know, Anthony, but-” 

“But nothing!” Anthony interjected, “Look, I can’t lose my best friend. No, I _won’t_ lose my best friend. I won’t. So I really, really need you to get better, okay?” 

Ian sighed, nodding.

“And I’ll be here every day if you need me-” 

Ian shook his head, interrupting Anthony. “No, Anthony. You need to get back to LA and be with Kalel. She misses you, I’m sure.” 

Ian felt a lump forming in his throat and he sank his teeth into his bottom lip. He could understand how Kalel felt, as much as he hated her, due to the fact that he was away from Anthony so often. It killed him, as it must have killed her, too. 

But at least Anthony had chosen _her_. He’d made all of _her_ dreams come true by marrying _her_. Ian would never experience that and it made him hate her all the more. She was being selfish about something that was already hers. It made Ian absolutely sick to his stomach to even think about her, but he wanted Anthony to be happy, even if it meant not being with him. And for whatever insane reason, Anthony loved Kalel. Therefore, he _had_ to consider her feelings. 

Anthony shook his head. “She’s fine. Evelina, Joey, Meghan, and David are all there with her. And so are the cats. She’ll be fine,” he assured Ian. 

“But-” 

“No buts,” Anthony repeated, “it’s fine. _She_ will be fine. She doesn’t need me around _all_ the time.” 

Ian smiled at Anthony, the first genuine smile he’d had in quite some time. “Okay, Ant. If you say so.” 

Anthony grinned, the dimples in his cheeks turning pink. “You just called me Ant. You haven’t done that in forever.” 

Ian shrugged, flopping back down on his bed. The conversation with Anthony had exhausted him -- physically, emotionally, _and_ mentally -- and he was just ready to get to sleep. 

“Tired, huh?” Anthony asked, beaming and watching as Ian began to burrow underneath his sheets and blanket.  

Ian nodded. “This place is excruciating.” 

“I know,” Anthony smiled, “but it’s only to make you better, okay? Just...Try to make the best of it. And for God’s sake, talk to your friends when they come to see you.” 

Ian yawned. “Whatever, man. My end date’s coming up soon, anyway.” 

There was a knock on the door, the customary signal that visiting hours were almost up. 

Anthony sighed, standing up. He really didn’t want to leave, especially whenever he’d made _so_ much progress with Ian. However, he knew that this was the  routine and Ian did indeed need his rest. 

“I’ll see you Monday, Ian,” Anthony said softly.

Looking down, he saw that his best friend was asleep. He couldn’t help but notice how cute he looked while he was sleeping. Arms draped over the pillow, eyes shut, cheeks pink, and the faintest hint of a smile on his lip. 

He smiled before leaning down and pressing his lips against Ian’s forehead. “Bye Ian,” he whispered.

 


	9. Wronged

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anthony's mad at Melanie.

Anthony, to this day, did not know what possessed him to go to Melanie’s house after his visit with Ian. 

After he’d left the rehab center, his mind fully wrapped around Ian’s situation, his sadness. He missed Melanie, that had to be it. He’d never fully understood why he and Melanie had broken up, but whatever it was, it had really gotten to him. Anthony had long ago decided that Melanie must have dumped Ian, because Ian really loved Melanie too much to break up with her. 

As he drove to her house, Anthony felt a pang in his chest at the thought of Ian loving Melanie. He frowned. _What the hell_? was his only thought. But then he thought about today, about hugging Ian so tightly and about his eyes. Those crystal blue eyes that had stared at him so intently, so sadly. 

And that was when his heart started to pound. 

He swallowed hard, turning down Melanie’s street. His eyes darted around for her house and he began to record the colors of the cars he past. _Red, green, white, beige, white, gray, gray, beige, blue._

 _You also kissed his forehead_ , Anthony told himself, _who does that_? 

Anthony shook his head and he turned his car, moving up Melanie’s driveway. Shrugging off the uneasy feeling, he turned the key, shutting the car off.       

He climbed the steps to the house and rang the doorbell, shifting from one foot to the other, anxious to speak with Melanie. 

She opened the door after a few seconds, dressed in a coral-colored sundress. Her blond hair was curled and as always, she looked gorgeous. 

“Anthony?” she asked, “what are you doing here?”

Anthony pushed his way into the house, surprising her. “I need to have a chat with you.”

She frowned and crossed her arms across her chest. “Well, Mark’s coming over soon with Mari and Matt, so-”         

He shook his head. “Why didn’t you tell me Ian was suicidal?” 

Melanie’s eyes widened. “I thought we talked about...?” 

“No,” Anthony spat, “you told me that Ian tried to kill himself by overdosing. But it took me ten hours to get that out of you!” 

She frowned at him. “Where is all of this coming from?” 

“Ian finally talked,” Anthony stated, “and I know why he’s so upset.” 

Melanie’s mouth dropped open and Anthony saw a complete change in her demeanor. “Y-you do?” she asked softly. 

“Yeah!” he shouted, “it’s because of _you_!” 

The blond’s eyes widened and she gave Anthony a hard look. “Really now?” 

He nodded, his anger rising. “And honestly, I can understand why. You dumped him right when all of his friends were getting into serious relationships. That was awful, Mel. And whenever he OD’d, you never bothered to call me! I would’ve flown home to Hawaii right on the spot if he needed me to, but _you_ never even gave me the chance!” Anthony exploded. He was breathing hard now, having released all of his angry thoughts at once. 

Melanie stood, arms folded and with a huge frown on her face. “Are you done?” 

Anthony thought for a moment before nodding. “Yes. I just want an explanation.” 

Melanie began nodding and walking toward him, a furious sneer becoming clear on her pretty face. “First of all, _Anthony_ , everything I did was _for_ Ian, okay? He _begged_ me not to tell you that he’d OD’d, let alone that he was in rehab.”

Anthony was, needless to say, stunned. For the fifteen years that they’d been friends, they’d never kept secrets from one another. Or, at least, Anthony had never kept anything from Ian. The real question was why Ian would _want_ to keep Anthony away from this. 

“And also, _Ian_ broke up with _me_ ,” she continued, “I loved Ian, Anthony. So much. But he didn’t love me anymore, so we stopped dating. It _killed_ me, but I moved on because I knew that there was no point in pining after someone whose heart belonged to someone else.” 

Anthony frowned. “Wait. So...Ian broke up with _you_?” 

She nodded. “That’s right.” 

He bit his lip, relaying her words in his head.  _I knew that there was no point in pining after someone whose heart belonged to someone else._

“He’s in love with someone else,” Anthony said softly. 

“He is,” Melanie replied, “but that’s not the point here.” She eyed Anthony one more time before delivering the rest of her explanation. “And lastly, Anthony, you have no right to come barging into _my_ house and start blaming shit on me, especially when all I did was help Ian. Hell, I even went to you and Kalel’s wedding when he _knows_ that I can’t stand her. And honestly, sometimes I really hate you, too.”

Anthony furrowed his brows in confusion. “What have I done to you?” 

Melanie chuckled. “Besides barging in here and yelling at me? Not much. But before you go blaming other people for things that they haven’t done, you need to take a hard look at what’s in front of you.” 

Anthony clenched his fists. “What do you mean?” 

Melanie scowled, looking Anthony up and down. Finally, she sighed and gave him her answer. “You should talk to Kalel.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked, shaking his head. 

“Figure it out,” Melanie snapped, “now get the hell out of my house. I don’t want to look at you.”

With a deep breath, Anthony walked out of Melanie’s house, no clear plan in mind.

 


	10. Finished

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anthony's mad at Kalel.

Kalel answered the door on the first ring, Buki in her hands. “Hi, baby!” she exclaimed, ushering him in, “you decided to come home early. I guess you’re ready to apologize...?”

Anthony frowned and shut the door. “Actually, no. I’m still pretty upset with you, Kalel. But...there’s something I have to ask you. It’s going to make you mad, but it’s important.”   
Kalel frowned, dropping the cat. “It’s a real shame that you don’t wanna apologize. 

Anthony rolled his eyes, annoyed that she had ignored his final statement altogether. “I talked to Melanie today and-”

Kalel sneered. “And what did she tell you? Fill your head with a bunch of lies again. What? She couldn’t have Ian so she wants to claw herself into you, too? That bitch-” 

“Kalel!” Anthony interjected, “that is _not_ what happened at all.” 

She looked up, her green eyes cloudy. “Well, what was I supposed to think?” 

Anthony shook his head, rubbing his temples. 

Kalel looked up at him. “What is it, Anthony?” 

“Melanie told me to come talk to you about Ian,” he said, resting his hand on her shoulder, “what does that mean?” 

Kalel made a face. “I...I don’t know, Anthony. She’s stupid, remember?” 

Anthony could tell from his wife’s reply that she knew much more than what she was letting on. “No Kalel, I know that she meant something by it because she was so serious. I’ve never seen her act that way before.” 

Kalel sighed, looking down at the floor. 

“So what is it, Kalel?” Anthony prompted 

She looked away, wrapping her arms around herself, as if she were cold. “I...Ian called you back when we were in Hawaii,” she whispered. 

Anthony raised his eyebrows. “He called me back? What do you mean?” 

“Don’t play dumb!” she snapped, “I know that all you did while you were on your phone was call and text him. It wasn’t ‘Smosh stuff’ like you kept telling me. I’m not stupid, Anthony.” 

He knitted his brows and shook his head. “Yeah, I called him. I was worried about him, Kalel. He looked so upset at the reception!” 

She snorted. “Yeah, well, one morning when you were in the shower, he called while I was vlogging. I let it go to voicemail because, you know, no one bothers to leave voicemails anymore. But dumbass Ian did. He left you a voicemail,” she raised her voice to mimic Ian, “I _really_ need to talk to you _An-Anthony_! It’s _really_ important, call me back, _please_!” She glared at Anthony with a disgusted expression painting her face. 

He remained silent, shocked at his wife’s actions. “So...you let Ian call me, beg me to answer the phone, didn’t answer him, _and_ never told me.”

“I never told you because I _knew_ what he was going to say,” Kalel said, “it’s the same goddamn thing Melanie told me a year ago!” 

Anthony swallowed. “And just what was that, Kalel?” 

She gave him a hard look. “That Ian’s in love with you.” 

The brunette’s hands began to shake and his iPhone dropped out of his hand. _That can’t be true_ , Anthony thought to himself _, we’re both guys. I’m his best friend, I’m-_

But then he stopped, thinking back. The way that Ian had hugged him today, so desperately. It wasn’t just that, though. His head began to spin as he recalled so many instances that made what Kalel was saying true. The quick touches, the glances that lasted a little too long, the eagerness for the ‘Ianthony’ videos they made sometimes for their crazy fans. There was also that one afternoon, three years ago when he and Ian had had a very awkward staring contest while shooting ‘Lunchtime with Smosh.’ Due to the size of their camera’s lens, they’d had to get incredibly close so as to both be in the shot. Their faces were literally _inches_ apart, and though they laughed, Anthony had jokingly made a comment about Ian _not_ going in to kiss him. After that, Ian got quiet and they hadn’t really talked for the rest of the day. Anthony had thought that Ian was just being moody. Perhaps he’d thought wrong. 

He knew that what she was saying _had_ to be true. It all added up, now that he was thinking about it. It perfectly explained Ian’s behavior at the wedding _and_ his overdose. It really was _all_ because of Anthony. 

Heart pounding, Anthony’s eyes swept up to meet Kalel’s. The seriousness there startled him. 

“It’s pathetic, really,” Kalel went on, Anthony barely registering her words, “like, what the hell? You’ve been best friends since high school and you do Smosh together. You have me and he _had_ Melanie, which I see now why he dumped her, she’s awful-” 

“Wait,” Anthony interjected, “you mentioned earlier that Melanie told you something before. Was it...It was about Ian’s feelings?” 

The sentence felt alien and wrong, but he didn’t know what else to call it. 

She nodded. “She kept trying to tell me that Ian was in love with you, but I wouldn’t believe her. Then she said that Ian was getting worse, mentally. She begged me to help her because she’d sworn not to tell you anything about Ian, but I, apparently could. I told her to shove it all down her throat and leave us alone. Apparently, she couldn’t do that.” 

Anthony closed his eyes and gritted his teeth in anger. He wondered how he hadn’t broken a tooth yet. “You knew about Ian. You _knew_ how he felt and you _knew_ how depressed he was. And you didn’t say a goddamn word to me?!” 

Kalel shrugged. “We were supposed to get married, Anthony. What else was I supposed to do? Throw it all away for some idiot that you won’t be spending much more time with, anyway?” 

“Won’t be spending much more time with?” Anthony asked, “what the hell does that mean?!” 

She chuckled, shrugging. “I don’t figure you will be doing Smosh much longer, what with the distance, Ian’s behavior, and because of us. But don’t worry, there’s always WULAS. People really like it and they’ll learn to live without Smosh.” 

Anthony put his face in his hands and took a deep breath before dropping his arms to his sides and glaring at Kalel. “Let’s get one thing straight here, Ian is my _best friend in the world_. He is and has been for a very long time. For a while, he was the _only_ person on this Earth that I could trust and be myself with. And if you can’t appreciate that, I will not remain married to you, you got that?” 

This was obviously not what his wife had been expecting, because her mouth opened and she furrowed her brows. “Anthony, _puh-lease_ -” 

“No,” he snapped, “I want you to listen to me and I want you to listen good. Never again, will you _ever_ make a decision for me. My phone is _mine_ and my messages are _mine_. Smosh isn’t going to end as long as we have fans and you know that. I don’t care if we only have _one goddamn person_ watching our videos, it’ll still be on. I’m not quitting just because you _want_ me to!” 

“Fine,” she hissed, turning away from him. Her eyes directed toward one of the many paintings that decorated their house. 

Anthony frowned. He could tell just from Kalel’s behavior that there was something she was hiding from him. Her shoulders were hunched, her brows furrowed, and she kept pushing her glasses (that she didn’t really need to see) up on the bridge of her nose. She was antsy and wouldn’t look him in the eye. 

“What is it?” he asked her.

Without turning around she repeated, “what is it?” 

Anthony clenched his fist tighter. “What aren’t you telling me?” 

Kalel shook her head. “I-I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

Now, Anthony was certain that something else had happened. Certainly, it involved Ian, he just didn’t know what it could be. “What else happened, Kalel? I know something did, so you might as well just tell me.” 

Kalel took a deep breath, never turning around. “I told Ian, when I talked to him, that he shouldn’t call you anymore. That I knew how he felt and it was stupid for him to _even_ think about you that way. He told me that he knew I hated him, but I really should let him talk to you...,” she trailed off. 

“And?” Anthony asked, glaring at her back. 

She didn’t reply, wrapping her arms around herself again, needing some kind of comfort. “Anthony, is this really necess-” 

“Yes, it is!” Anthony exploded, “I swear to God, Kalel, tell me what you told Ian! What did you do to set him off?! Tell me, goddamn it!” 

Kalel spun herself around, her glasses falling to the white, plush carpeting beneath their feet. “I told him to go kill himself, okay?!” 

Anthony eyes widened as much as humanly possible and his fists clenched. Immediately, a monstrous pain, reminiscent of a deep, fiery burn spread throughout his chest. How could his wife have said something so cruel, so horrendous, to Ian. 

 _His_ _Ian_. 

And at that moment, Anthony could have laughed because everything was so clear to him. It was as if he were a blind man that had finally gotten his sight and was seeing everything for the first time. Kalel was a disgusting, horrific person. 

But it simply didn’t matter, anymore.  

 _She_ didn’t matter anymore. 

 _Ian_ was the only person that mattered now. 

Surprising her, Anthony looked right at his wife and gave her a huge beam. “Kalel, you are a evil, conniving, soulless monster, but you know what? It’s okay.” 

“Anthony, I just didn’t want him to ruin our relationship!” she screamed, stomping her feet.

“ _He_ didn’t,” Anthony corrected, “ _you_ did.” 

“Wh-what?” she stammered, biting her lip. 

Anthony nodded, still smiling. His cheeks were pink and his dimples were showing deeply. “You may be a terrible excuse for a human being, _honey_ , but you made me realize something. And that something is that I don’t wanna be married to you. I wanna be with Ian.” Giddily, he bent down to pick up his phone and slid it into the front pocket of his jeans. 

Kalel’s eyes widened. “No Anthony, wait, please listen to me. I can ex-” 

Anthony shook his head, smiling widely. “It’s done. We’re done. I’m gonna go be happy now.” His right hand reached to his left one and he slid his wedding band off, tossing it at Kalel’s feet.   
“Anthony!” she screamed, “stop it! You’re being an idiot!” 

He chuckled, hand on the doorknob. “Bye, Kalel. Burn in hell.” 

Anthony walked out of the house, his wife’s screams still emanating through the walls. 

But all he could hear was the sound of freedom.

Of sweet, sweet happiness.


	11. Fulfilled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anthony heads to see Ian.

It was a five hour drive back to Sacramento, one that he, on any other occasion, would have been reluctant to make, especially considering that he’d done it only hours before. 

After leaving Melanie’s, he’d driven back to LA, and after his argument with Kalel, he headed back to Sacramento to see Ian. After all, from what he’d heard from Melanie after his incident with his soon-to-be _ex_ -wife, Ian should have been home by the time he got there. It required him driving into the wee hours of the night, but Anthony didn’t mind at all.

Anthony had literally never felt so happy in his entire life. He knew that he still had a lot of discussing to do with Ian, but he was beyond certain that he loved him, too. There were a lot of things to consider, but Anthony was confident. 

Which was why it didn’t make much sense for him to be so nervous when he walked up the drive of the Smosh house. After all, Ian _was_ still his best friend, and more importantly, Ian loved him, too. So why was he so nervous? 

 _Because there’s still uncertainty_ , Anthony thought, raising his hand to knock on the door. _Even if I do tell Ian how I feel, what will be his reply? And if he_ does _want to be with me, what will happen to Smosh? And then there’s the fact that I’m still married to Kalel._

But he knocked, sighing in relief when he heard the sound of shuffling feet. He bit his lip, highly anticipating seeing Ian. 

The door swung open and Anthony saw that Ian was clad in a T-shirt and plaid pajama pants, but his face was cleanly-shaven and his hair was neat. 

 _Must’ve just gotten home and changed_ , Anthony guessed. 

“Anthony?” Ian asked, bewildered, “what are you doing here?” 

Anthony smiled at him. “Can I come in first?”

Moving out of the way, Ian replied, “duh, it’s the Smosh house.” 

Anthony chuckled and stepped into the house. Ian shut the door and looked at Anthony, still puzzled. 

“When did you get home?” Anthony asked, settling down on the leather sofa.

“About an hour ago,” Ian replied, “so...what’s up?” 

Anthony hesitated. This would be the difficult part for him, deciding the best way to let Ian know about everything. 

“Melanie said you went over to talk to her today,” Ian went on, Anthony obviously taking too long to respond. 

“Yeah,” Anthony replied, “I did.” 

“And you yelled at her,” Ian pointed out.

“I did,” Anthony admitted, “but I really wish that I wouldn’t have. I realized that she really didn’t deserve that.” 

Ian nodded. “No, she didn’t. I don’t know what it was that you talked about, but whatever it was, she didn’t deserve it.” 

“I know that now,” Anthony sighed, “I was just angry at myself and needed someone to blame. I know that what happened to you is _my_ fault.” 

Ian blinked, his heart pounding. “Wh-what? Did Melanie tell you that?” 

Anthony shook his head. “No, she didn’t. I...I talked to Kalel instead.” 

With that, he stood up and walked over to Ian and threw his arms around him. The moment he did so, Anthony felt a huge relief, but Ian stiffened. 

“You...you did?” Ian asked, awkwardly putting his arms around Anthony. 

“Yeah,” Anthony replied, closing his eyes, “and I’m sorry.”

Ian was confused. Not only at Anthony’s apology, but also at his behavior. “Huh? Why are you sorry?” 

Anthony pulled away and swallowed hard. “She...She told me everything. About how she said you were pathetic. That she told you to kill yourself.” 

Ian’s face fell. “Oh...Sh-she did, did she?” 

“That was a horrible thing to say,” Anthony continued, “I can’t believe she did that! And even more so, I can’t believe you went through with it.” 

Ian opened his mouth to reply, but Anthony stopped him. 

“Ian, you’re my best friend. I love you and you are the most important person in the world to me, don’t you get that?” His eyes began to shine with unshed tears. 

“I-” 

Anthony looked up at him. “I’m so sorry, Ian. For never knowing how you felt about me.”

Ian’s eyes widened and he stepped back, as if he’d been pushed. “Anthony, wh-what are you talking about?” 

“Ian, I _know_ how you feel and it’s okay because-”

A look of utter terror flashed across Ian’s face. “No! No!” Before Anthony could react, Ian had ran down the hallway and to his bedroom, slamming the door and locking it behind him. 

“Ian!” Anthony called out, trotting after him. He knocked on Ian’s door, awaiting a reply. 

“I’m not gonna talk so you might as well leave!” Ian shouted.

Anthony leaned his forehead against the door, sighing. “Ian, really! It’s all right! Can we please talk?!” 

When Ian didn’t respond, Anthony began to panic. “Ian, please don’t do this again! I can’t handle you shutting me out!” 

Ian did not reply and Anthony burst into tears, loud sobs emanating throughout the walls. He was surprised that he’d begun to cry and at this level, too. He’d dealt with Ian totally turning a blind eye to him before and it was the most difficult thing he’d ever done. He simply wouldn’t do it again. 

As Anthony slid down the wall, tears still springing from his eyes, Ian was getting up from his bed and walking toward the door. At the sound of Anthony’s cries, his heart had begun to ache and he just couldn’t take it. Whatever embarrassment and shame he had bottled up would have to be tossed aside. He loved Anthony too much to see him suffer. 

Cautiously, he opened the door. To the left of the wall, Anthony sat, crumpled into somewhat of a ball. He sat with his knees up to his chest, his arms tucked in and wrapped around his head. He was trembling and soft, muffled sobs were spreading throughout the hallway. He bent down beside his friend, heart pounding. 

“Ant,” he whispered, pulling him close to him, “shh, it’s okay. I’m here now.” 

Anthony sniffed and looked up at Ian with shiny eyes. 

Ian gave him a soft smile. “Sorry about that.” 

He was relieved when Anthony slightly chuckled. He wiped at his eyes and replied, “you can’t do that anymore, man. You scared the shit out of me last time.” 

“I know,” Ian sighed, pressing his forehead against Anthony’s shoulder, “and I’m sorry.” 

Anthony snorted. “ _You’re_ sorry? Ian, I should be the one saying sorry. I’m the biggest asshole in the history of assholes!” 

Ian frowned. “Huh?” 

Anthony let out a long, drawn out breath. “Kalel is a horrible, disgusting person and I can’t believe she told you to...you know.” He couldn’t bring himself to say those dreaded words. “Doesn’t she know how important you are to Smosh? The Smosh Games Crew?” He looked straight into Ian’s eyes, “to me?” 

Ian blushed. “I...I guess not.” 

Anthony continued. “I threw my ring at her. I’m going to divorce her as soon as possible. But you know what?”

“What?” Ian asked. 

“I can’t bring myself to hate her,” Anthony replied, looking down. 

“Why?” Ian asked, then he gulped, “do you still love her?” 

Anthony snickered. “Hell no! But she made me realize who I am and who I was always _supposed_ to be with.” He shrugged. “The person that’s been in front of me almost my whole life, waiting for me to realize it.”

Ian swallowed. “Who is it?” 

Anthony smiled at him. “Dude, it’s _you_ , Ian. Who else would it be?” 

The blue-eyed man was taken aback. How could have Anthony have ‘realized that he loved him and that he loved him back in a span of less than twenty-four hours? It simply wasn’t possibly. “No!” he exclaimed, “You just think that because I almost died. You don’t really love me.”

Anthony frowned at Ian. “I do, too, Ian. I just didn’t know it because of Kalel.” 

“Exactly,” Ian retorted, “once you realized Kalel wasn’t a good person anymore, you decided that you loved me instead because you knew _I_ loved _you_. You still love Kalel, you just don’t want to be with her.” 

“No!” Anthony shook his head, “Goddammit Ian, what can I do to make you believe me?!” 

Ian sighed. “There’s no way _to_ make me beli-” 

Before Ian could reply, Anthony had pressed his lips against Ian’s, shoving the other man against the white walls. At first, Ian released a soft, startled sound from his lips, but soon enough, he kissed back, long enough to forget his argument. 

Too soon, Anthony had pulled away, leaning his forehead against Ian’s, both of their hearts pounding a mile a minute. “That proof enough?” 

And it was. By Ian’s logic, at least. From what he knew and understood, guys didn’t kiss their best friends just to prove a point. As much as he didn’t want to believe it, Anthony loved him, too. He was terrified of being hurt in the long run, but he knew now that keeping secrets wasn’t any way to live. All it did was hurt the people around him. Anthony, Melanie, hell, even Kalel, if he was being totally honest. 

But most of all, it had hurt himself. 

Maybe, just maybe, if he had told Anthony the way he felt years ago, he would have never dated and scorned Melanie and maybe she would have found Mark years earlier. Maybe Kalel wouldn’t have turned out to do something so Godawful in the name of love. Maybe he would’ve never attempted suicide. And maybe, just maybe, Anthony would have loved him back then, too. 

And maybe, just maybe, it wouldn’t have worked out at all. Perhaps things were truly meant to happen this way. After all, the pain _had_ led to good things for Anthony, Melanie, and himself. As for Kalel, well, Ian didn’t really give a damn.

However, to Ian, all that mattered now was Anthony, his Anthony, that was looking at him as if he were an angel. The way he’d always wanted him to look at him. 

He smiled back at Anthony, blushing and unsure of what to do now. He waited for Anthony to speak first, since Anthony _was_ the more of a talker of the two. 

“I don’t know where this is going,” Anthony pointed out, “and I don’t know what will happen to Smosh...But here’s what I _do_ know. We have this house. We have the Smosh Games crew, who will love and support us no matter what. We have Melanie. We have seventeen million subscribers, so what if we lose a couple million?” 

Ian chuckled. 

Anthony’s chocolate brown eyes sparkled into Ian’s baby blue ones as he finished his spiel. “Most importantly, we have each other. And one thing’s for certain, Ian, and that’s that I love you. You never have to worry about me _ever_ leaving you because it won’t happen, okay?” 

Ian nodded. “I know. I’ll never leave you, either. I love you, too.” 

Though the majority of their future was uncertain, it didn’t matter to either one of the Smosh boys. Because as Anthony took Ian’s hand, both of them knew that one thing was certain. 

They had each other and that was all that mattered. 

 


	12. Loved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some smut to round it out.

Ian smiled, staring at his new boyfriend from across the room. Anthony was sitting on their leather sofa, playing his Nintendo DS. Ian wasn't exactly sure what he was playing, but he assumed that it was Pokémon, Mario, or Zelda, one of Anthony's three favorite games. Ian stood in the kitchen, seemingly pouring himself a glass of Coke Zero, but in reality, he was really watching Anthony.

It still totally blew his mind that they were together now. Granted, it had only been a couple days, but Ian was so happy and he was certain that Anthony was, too. He couldn't believe that a month ago he'd attempted to commit suicide. It was such a selfish, stupid thing to do and he was so thankful that Melanie had found him in time to save his life. Actually, he was thankful for Melanie in general.

The way things were now put Ian in mind of the earlier days of Anthony's friendship, back when it was just the two of them making Smosh videos for fun. Before Kalel and Melanie and before all of the hurt that he'd caused. Back then, it really was the two of them against the world as they learned how to be adults together in their little Smosh house with Charlie the guinea pig. The only real difference now was that it was the two of them with Daisy the dog and Pip the cat  _and_  that they kissed and hugged and snuggled now, unlike the years before. Actually, that was all that they'd done, despite Ian's constant attempts to get Anthony to sleep with him or at least something of the nature.

Ian watched Anthony pause his game and look up. At this, he went back to pouring his soda.

"Ian, you can stop pretending to get yourself a Coke. I know you've been watching me this whole time," Anthony pointed out.

Ian blushed. "I...I wasn't, Anthony. You're not  _that_  interesting."

Anthony shrugged. "However, I  _am_ that hot and you are so glad that I'm your boyfriend, right?"

Setting the empty can down, Ian marched into the living room. "You're being a cocky bastard, aren't you?"

"Maybe," Anthony replied, "but aren't you happy about us being together?"

"Are you?" Ian asked, grinning and sitting down beside him.

"Yeah," Anthony said, "I am."

The blue-eyed man smiled and propped his head up on his hands, elbows digging into his knees. "Me too."

And he was. More than Anthony would ever know.

But there was one thing that the two of them had yet to do and it was driving Ian absolutely crazy. No matter how much he asked, teased, or whined, Anthony woul not budge on the subject.

Ian leaned toward Anthony, resting his head on his shoulders, his mouth finding his ear. "I want you, Anthony."

Anthony smiled, closing the DS. "I want you, too, Ian."

Ian's eyes lit up and he threw his leg over Anthony, pressing his lips to Anthony's. Anthony kissed back, but pulled away before Ian could deepen it too much.

"Ant...," Ian whined.

Anthony chuckled. "Sorry Ian, but remember what I said?"

Ian frowned, looking at the carpet beneath their feet. "No," he grumbled, lying.

Anthony grinned. "Yes, you do. We  _aren't_  having sex this early because I don't want you thinking that that is all I want from you."

Ian groaned. "Yes, but I'm not going to think that."

Anthony shrugged. "In the long run, you will."

"Not," Ian scoffed.

"Will," Anthony retorted.

"Can you please stop it?!" Ian sighed.

Anthony laughed. "Am I making someone angry?"

Ian looked away from him. "Yeah, and that someone is me. Cut it out, Ant."

Anthony just laughed.

Sighing, Ian turned back to his boyfriend and asked, "do you not  _want_  to have sex with me, Anthony? Is that it? Do you not like me anymore?"

Ian knew it was mean to say something like that to Anthony, but he did want to know.

Anthony snapped toward Ian, glaring. "You know that's not true, Ian. I  _do_  want to make love to you, believe me. I want to  _so_  badly...," he trailed off, sighing, "but I also want you to feel loved in more than one way."

Ian blinked, leaning his head on Anthony's shoulder. "But Anthony, I  _really_  don't want to wait."

Anthony sighed. "And I really don't either," he admitted.

"So don't," Ian replied, shakily putting his hands on Anthony's face, forcing him to look at him. His breath ghosted across Anthony's cheek, making the other man quiver.

"I-Ian...," Anthony breathed.

"Shh," Ian instructed, "just...Fuck Anthony, don't talk."

Anthony shut up, silencing himself to wait for Ian's next move. He remained frozen, eyes glued to his boyfriend's.

Ian leaned closer, pressing his lips against Anthony's.

 _This is nothing_ , Ian thought to himself,  _I've kissed him before_.

Even so, Ian was shaking as Anthony tilted his head up to deepen the kiss. He placed his palms on Ian's chest and gently pushed down so that he was lying on top of Ian.

A cry emitted from Ian's mouth when Anthony bit down gently on his bottom lip, probing for access to Ian's mouth. Gladly, Ian opened his mouth, their tongues meeting in a hot clash.

So far, this was Ian's favorite part of being with Anthony. The feeling of Anthony's hot tongue battling with his, causing the hardness in his jeans was amazing. But if that were true, what Ian planned on doing must surely be heaven.

"Anth...," Ian trailed off, feeling Anthony grind against him, his erection growing fully hard.

Anthony growled, biting down gently on Ian's neck. "You're so fucking hot, Ian."

A jolt of pure lust shot to Ian's groin and he cried out, rubbing hard up against Anthony.

Groaning hard, Anthony's hands trailed down Ian's sides until he found his hands, clasping them in his own. He pulled up, never breaking the kiss, and once the two of them were standing, he grasped Ian's shoulders. Anthony guided Ian to the wall, his back hitting the white paneling hard. He moved his thigh between Ian's legs, kneeing them open. His hands trailed up Ian's face and his fingers laced into Ian's hair, pulling him impossibly close, the kiss becoming more intense and teeth scraping against teeth.

Suddenly, Anthony pulled away, brushing hair out of his eyes. "Sh-should we...?" he trailed off, uncertainly.

Ian looked up at him. "Bedroom," he answered, breathlessly.

The two of them darted to Anthony's bedroom as quickly as they could, falling immediately onto the double bed. Ian flopped down first, with Anthony trailing down after him. He smiled down at Ian before reaching down and unbuttoning and unzipping his light blue jeans, revealing tented red plaid boxers.

"Happy to see me?" Anthony asked, biting his lip in anticipation.

Ian chuckled. "More than you know."

Tentatively, Anthony slipped his hand into the front of Ian's boxers, thumbing around. He blushed when he brushed past the head of Ian's dick, eliciting a short gasp from his boyfriend. Anthony smirked, curling the shaft in his fingers. He began to pump up and down, Ian's eyes fluttering closed as he fell onto his back, arching into Anthony's hand.

"A-Ant," he gasped, fisting the sheets, his breathing speeding up rapidly.

Anthony's bit his lip, watching Ian's very loud and shameless reactions, growing even more aroused by the second. "Fuck Ian," he groaned, eyes glued to the boy beneath him.

Ian's eyes popped open and he sat up, reluctantly shoving Anthony off of him.

Anthony was perplexed. "Wh-what?"

The blue-eyed man flashed a smile and without any warning at all, flipped his boyfriend over so that he was on top.

Anthony gazed up at him, frozen in place. "What are you-"

Before he could finish, Ian had gotten his button undone and had unzipped his jeans, yanking them down to his ankles and tossing them aside. He then hooked his thumbs into Anthony's very thin boxers and threw them to the side, as well. Ian's eyes trailed to the very impressive cock in front of his face, smiling approvingly at Anthony. He then leaned forward, closing his mouth over the tip, swirling his tongue around it. It was then Anthony's turn to moan, arching his back up, doing his absolute best to not fuck the life out of Ian's throat. The most frustrating part was that Ian was simply  _too good_  at this and he wouldn't move any further down. The rest of his cock was practically  _begging_  to be touched, dripping with pre-cum. His hand dropped down to his crotch, but Ian swatted him away.

"I-Ian," he whimpered, "please."

Ian chuckled, moving his lips away from Anthony's dick. "Please what, Anthony?"

"Suck me," Anthony gasped, his hands tangling into Ian's hair, "please now!"

Ian nodded, raising an eyebrow. "Okay, then."

Without missing a beat, Ian lowered his head back down to Anthony's dick so that he was eye level with it. In one fluid motion, he swallowed all of Anthony's cock. Anthony's eyes shot open and he arched his back up, gasping for air. Ian began bobbing his head, tongue twirling all around the bottom. He reached up, palming Anthony's balls in his hand. Anthony moaned in response, his eyes fluttering shut again.

And then, Ian put it to an abrupt end, pulling his mouth off of Anthony's dick with an obvious  _pop_.

Anthony frowned, looking down as Ian slid up to him. "What...why did you stop?"

Ian smirked. "I want you to fuck me."

By now, Anthony was fully hard, his dick against Ian's stomach. He rolled his hips so that the tips of their members brushed together. Both of them cried out, Ian shutting his eyes in ecstasy.

Anthony chuckled. "It'd be my pleasure."

He dropped his head down to Ian's nipple, sucking into his mouth. Ian moaned as Anthony rolled his tongue over the little orb, biting down gently on it.

"Anthony...," Ian trailed off, his eyes opening in surprise.

Anthony pulled back, looking at how gorgeous Ian's blue eyes were. Somewhat like the ocean, somewhat like the sky.  _Perfect._

And then he remembered what Ian wanted him to do to him.

However, it then occurred to Anthony that he'd never had sex with a man and he had no clue where to start. "But...How?"

Ian laughed. "You just need to relax, Ant...," he trailed off, eyes glancing around the room. "And some lube."

Anthony blushed. "Do...Do you have any?"

Ian nodded. "Hold on a second."

Anthony watched as Ian kicked off of the bed and tramped over to his dresser. He picked up the clear bottle and waved it at him."It's right here."

Anthony laughed. "Great."

Ian jumped back onto the bed and handed the bottle to Anthony. "You know what to do now, right?"

Anthony shrugged. "I...I think so."

He'd read a few fanfics and seen a little gay porn. Maybe not enough to know how it worked  _exactly_ , but maybe enough to figure it out. He squeezed the bottle, dropping a small amount onto his fingers. He massaged it between his fingers before smearing it onto his dick, with Ian nodding behind him.

"Now what?" Anthony asked, "I have to...," he trailed off.

Ian blushed. "Prepare me. Unless you want me to do it, because-"

"No, no!" Anthony interjected, "I can do it! It's just...Wait, Ian. How do you know all of this?"

Ian's eyes trailed to the floor. "I...I've known I was gay for a while, Anthony."

Anthony raised an eyebrow. "So this isn't your first time...With a guy?"

Ian shook his head. "No, it's not...Is that a problem?"

Anthony chuckled. "Why would it be? If anything, Ian, I'm worried I'm gonna disappoint  _you_."

The blue-eyed man laughed softly. "You could never disappoint me." He tilted his head up, his lips finding Anthony's and they kissed softly, just enough to sense the intimacy between the two of them once more.

"Now," Ian said, "you just gotta put more lube on your fingers and just..stretch me."

Anthony blushed. "O-Okay." He followed Ian's instructions and slipped one finger inside of Ian.

Ian gritted his teeth, waiting for him to continue.

When Ian did not protest, Anthony slid another finger in slowly and spread the two fingers apart, scissoring him.

Ian pressed his face into his pillow, gritting his teeth. It was painful, to say the least, but he knew once this part was over with, it'd be incredibly pleasurable. He just had to ignore the pain.

Anthony leaned down, kissing Ian's temple. "I'm sorry...Should I stop?"

Ian shook his head. "No, put in another one. And then just fuck me. It'll be okay."

Anthony nodded, swallowing. "O-okay." He slipped his third finger in and spread Ian's wall as much as he could.

"Okay," Ian repeated, "that's good. Now, just...Just get in, I guess." He laughed nervously at this.

His boyfriend swallowed hard, gripping the base of his dick and entering him slowly. Instantly, he moaned, shutting his eyes. Ian moaned, too.

The friction was too great, almost unbearable and Anthony couldn't help but thrust forward. Ian cried out, but it wasn't all from pain.

"I-I'm sorry," Anthony stammered, "I didn't mean to-"

"No, no!" Ian said, "you're fine. Just keep going. You're doing great, Anthony."

Anthony chuckled and shook his head. Ian sounded just like a coach. He bit his lip, thrusting again, this time slower and softer. He reached around and took hold of Ian's cock, curling his fingers around the thick shaft. He began to time his slow thrusts with the slow, hard jerks on Ian's member.

Anthony's eyes were drooping, his mind totally gone from the sheer pleasure he was receiving from Ian.

"Faster, Anthony!" he heard, "please!"

Ian didn't have to tell him twice.

Anthony began to pick up speed, their thighs knocking clumsily together, sweat rolling down both of their bodies and making their skin slick. Anthony dropped his forehead to the the crook of Ian's neck and began to kiss him hungrily as he pushed harder into him.

Suddenly, Ian cried out much louder than before and Anthony knew that he must have hit Ian's prostate. He smirked, thrusting up against it again and again, loving the way Ian screamed. He bit down, relishing the taste of Ian's skin: sweet, but salty from the beads of sweat rolling down his body.

Anthony's stomach began to swirl and he could feel heat uncoiling itself. He was close and hopefully, so was Ian.

"Ian, I'm gonna-" he called out.

"Anthony!" Ian cried, shooting white ribbons onto the bedspread beneath them. Luckily for Anthony, Ian had already came.

Anthony's balls tightened and he knew what was happening. He came, too, unable to control himself after hearing his name so loud and passionate and  _erotic_  on Ian's lips. He collapsed on top of the other man, breathing hard and grasping his shoulders, probably so tightly that he was going to leave bruises. But he didn't care. He loved Ian and he wanted him to know how much that had meant to him.

Riding out the last few moments of his orgasm, Anthony pulled out of Ian, flopping onto the bed beside him. In his mind, he was still reliving every moment. Ian's screams, the way he'd felt, the way Ian's eyes twinkled so much when he came. He never wanted it to end.

He rolled over, wrapping his arm possessively over Ian and burying his face in Ian's neck. "I love you," he murmured.

Ian chuckled. "I love you, too. Now, aren't you glad we didn't wait?"

Anthony didn't answer.

"Ant?" Ian asked.

But the other man was already fast asleep.


End file.
